HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama declared ObamaCare the law of the land in a speech Tuesday. Civil disobedience is widespread. Many Americans would rather go to jail than enroll in ObamaCare now that O.J. Simpson has taught us that cookies are free in the prison cafeteria.
Yellowstone Park closed due to the government shutdown in Washington. It’s so rich in history. President Clinton visited Yellowstone fifteen years ago and the photo of him standing next to Old Faithful hangs in the lobby of a hundred comedy clubs across America .
The White House held a ceremony to encourage Americans to enroll in the Affordable Care Act exchanges. The first day of ObamaCare did not go well for Republicans. Dick Cheney went to the chiropractor, who examined him and referred him to a paleontologist.
The U.S. government furloughed eight hundred thousand workers this week for the shutdown. Air traffic control and border guards remain on duty. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms has been consolidated into the Department of Texas Birthday Parties.
The Ku Klux Klan had to cancel a scheduled rally at Gettysburg National Park due to the U.S. government shutdown Tuesday. The groups face an identity crisis lately. If the KKK really believes that white people are superior, why do they dress like Muslim women?
Breaking Bad’s final episode Sunday set a ratings record for basic cable on AMC with ten million viewers. The series ended in death, violence and tragedy. At the end of the show, Walter White was fired in the middle of the night by USC athletic director Pat Haden.
House Republicans pointed out Tuesday that the government shutdown halted House probes into the Benghazi fiasco and the IRS scandal. It’s just as well. The Democrats don’t have any skeletons inside their closet, that’s just Harry Reid looking for his umbrella.
The New York Health Department said Monday twenty-five percent of New Yorkers are now obese. It’s a new world. Young people won’t believe it, but there was a time in the late Seventies when two people could get into the hot tub without flooding the patio.
The New York Senate passed a bill designating a safe-text area on state expressways where motorists may text and drive. It should be made as difficult as possible. People in Los Angeles honk if they love Jesus, and they text while driving if they want to meet him.
Michael Jackson’s family’s wrongful death suit against AEF went to the jury Monday in L.A. The family’s lawyer painted him as a wronged angel. Several days before he died, Michael met with a priest, but not for spiritual advice, they went on a double-date.
Rap music mogul Jay Z told Vanity Fair he learned how to be a great businessman by dealing cocaine successfully in Brooklyn twenty-five years ago. Now he owns part of the New Jersey Nets. It’s the only basketball arena where the nosebleed seats are courtside.
Toyota attorneys gave closing arguments in Los Angeles Tuesday in a twenty million dollar wrongful death suit. It’s hurt their image. Last night two asteroids suddenly accelerated and collided and scientists are calling the pattern of debris the Toyota Camry.
Hillary Clinton’s mini-series was axed by NBC Monday the same day CNN cancelled its documentary on her. She doesn’t want the scrutiny. Hillary needs to play it close to the vest if she’s ever going to realize the Clinton dream of being a two-impeachment family.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.